Anyway, June 25th came and went and my birthday was, as always, awesome!
In the morning we went out for donuts to the local Lehi Bakery. After breakfast Jimmy went to work and the kids and I went to Bridal Veil Falls up Provo Canyon. The weather was very perfect and the kids LOVED feeding the fish and throwing rocks in the water. That evening we went to a yummy Thai food place for dinner and then went home for cake pops and ice cream. I got so completely spoiled!!
Is James' face not to die for in this photo?
Thanks to Jimmy, Ali and James- and all my friends and family- for making it the perfect birthday!
The day before my birthday, we got a bill in the mail. It was from the pathologist. I had almost forgotten that a couple short months prior to my birthday I was wondering whether or not I had cancer. It was a hard, brief time during which I did some real pondering and sorting of what life is all about. I wrote several entries in this journal during that time but didn't publish it. I wanted to wait till I knew the outcome before I told anyone. I didn't want to say one way or another until I knew for sure.
On February 17 it seemed like any other Sunday. We woke up, got ready and went to church. I felt totally fine until about 45 minutes into the first meeting. The kids got fussy so we took them into the hall and I ended up sitting, doubled over in a chair in the hall. I told Jimmy I didn't feel good at all and told him I was going home. I felt like I had food poisoning or something but every time I would run to the bathroom, nothing would happen. At noon I picked them up from church and continued to be in a lot of pain for the rest of the afternoon. After the kids woke up from their naps Jimmy suggested I go to the ER. I was a little hesitant but the fact that I felt so sick but wasn't throwing up had me worried. He asked if I wanted them to come but the idea of taking my 2 and 1 year old to the ER sounded like way too much for my sick stomach to handle.
I also had a temple recommend interview that afternoon and I really didn't want to miss it so as I drove to the hospital I debated whether or not I should stop by and then go to the hospital. I decided I was in too much pain so I figured I could reschedule. It was a good decision because by the time I pulled into the hospital parking lot I thought I was going to die. I thew the car in park and started across a 4 foot planter full of mud. I stepped in with my right foot and has I picked up my foot my shoe stuck in the mud. I was already moving forward so fast so I didn't have time to stop my shoeless foot from stepping directly into the mud. I didn't know what to do so I just pulled my shoe out of the mud and put it back on my muddy foot. Luckily there was no wait in the ER and they got my right in. They drew some blood to be sure I wasn't pregnant and to check my white blood cell count. Since I wasn't pregnant they took my in to get a CT scan. When all the tests came back they sent the doctor in to tell me that it was an appendicitis. 20 minutes later I was in surgery.
It was all perfect timing! We didn't realize until several weeks later that we had no idea just how perfect the timing was.
March 28, 2013
Dr Sheffield's office kept calling me to come in for a follow up appointment. My recovery was great, I felt completely back to normal and I just didn't want to go to the trouble of finding someone to watch my kids. For those reasons I was trying to avoid going in. After the office called a third time, the women told me that the visit would be quick and easy and I could bring my kids. I decided to go since it was an early appointment and I figured we would be in and out in a matter of minutes.
The time in the waiting room was longer than I expected but we were finally called back and the nurse came in. She asked if someone had called me with the results of the tests they had run. I told her no and that they just told me to come in for a follow up. She then told me that they had found a carcinoid tumor in my appendix. I didn't really know what a carcinoid tumor was but I knew that everyone most likely has tumors, but most are probably benign. As she explained it I realized that it was cancer but it still wasn't registering. I think she could probably tell that it wasn't hitting home because she suddenly cut it short and said the doctor would be in to talk to me soon. He came in and explained it to me again and gave me a paper that explained it in medical terms.
According to the pathologist report, they didn't know if the cancer had spread or not! How's that for a take home message. There is a board of doctors that meet every week to discuss cases. He will present my case next week and see what they think. I will find out what the board says by the end of next week.
The doctor said they could say 1 of many things: 1) it's fine and didn't spread outside the appendix 2) I need to go back in 6 months or a year to be sure it didn't spread 3) I need chemotherapy or 4) I need surgery to remove some of my intestines and colon. My tumor was under 2 cm which the doctor said is good.
I am looking at this as an amazing miracle and that Heavenly Father has saved my life! If I wouldn't have had an appendectomy we wouldn't have caught the tumor this soon!
Anyway, I feel incredibly bless and recognize the hand of the Lord in my life.
Today I have a lot of thoughts going through my head. Am I going to hear that I have multiple tumors in my GI tract? If not, did the one tumor spread to the surrounding tissue? Will I need chemotherapy? Will I get the call that everything is totally fine?..... because if I do I will probably be wondering if maybe there are cells growing and they missed it. Under all of these thoughts is the undeniable feeling that I know I am going to be ok. I know that life is beautiful, I have a very beautiful life and no matter what happens it doesn't change the fact that I have a family that loves me, a husband that supports me and takes care of me, the two sweetest children in the whole world and wonderful friends. This experience has strengthened my testimony of the reality of Heavenly Father and of his unwavering care and love for me. I am in awe of how he has carried me through my trials and this experiences has been no exception.
April 22, 2013
The nurse called me after the board met and informed me that the oncologists did not agree on what they saw in my records. Some said that I was totally fine and the whole tumor was removed and hadn't spread. Some said that it had spread and I needed to have surgery to remove some of my colon and surrounding areas around the appendix. Some said that they weren't sure. So I am going in for a colonoscopy today. I was very nervous for the prep. I just didn't know how my body would react. I was nervous I would have a bad stomach ache and feel really sick. I drank three bottles of magnesium citrate and took several Dulcolax tablets at different intervals during the 24 hours prior to the my appointment. The Mag Citrate made me really nauseated and I threw up the first couple times I drank it but other than that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
They put me totally out for the procedure which was another one of my worries. I really didn't want to be awake for it in case it hurt. The nurses, staff and doctor were all REALLY nice and I was so grateful. It was a tender mercy. My nerves were high wondering if I had cancer and then the unknown of the colonoscopy was scary. My nurse was an angel from heaven. I started to cry a little as I was going under and she just held my hand, hugged me and said, "It's ok dear. I'm so sorry. You're too young to go through all of this." Her words were so comforting- just to know that someone was there and understood that it was scary for me.
When I came to, the doctor said that my intestines looked great but that the area around my appendix was questionable. He didn't know if that was from the recent surgery or meant that cancer was present. He took 6 biopsies from the area and we were have to wait a week for those results.
My surgeon had also taken my case to an oncologist friend he had in Murray to ask his opinion. That doctor suggested a blood test that would test for traces of other tumors in my body. Those results would also take about a week.
Monday April 29, 2013
I got the call this morning at 11 am from my surgeon's office. We were loading into the car to take mom to the airport when it happened. Michelle, the nurse, told me that the blood work came back normal. I felt very relieved but wished that the GI office would call with the colonoscopy results. Then she told me that they got the results from the biopsies and they were normal as well!! Relief doesn't begin to describe how I felt. At first I just felt happy but then as I relayed the message to mom and said the words, "I don't have cancer." I just started to bawl. At that moment I realized how anxious, nervous and stressed I had been. This whole thing has sent me on a roller coaster of emotions! As the days have gone on, I have gotten more and more stressed that something might actually be wrong. The reality that I might actually have cancer began to weigh on me. All the stress has been melting off as I have been thinking about how grateful I am to be healthy! How grateful I am to be alive and that I will be alive for a long time. How grateful I am to Heavenly Father for allowing me to have an appendicitis so that the doctors could find the tumor before it spread. How grateful I am to my family for helping me. And I'm sure I'll never know how much relief I received because of the thousands of prayers offered in my behalf. I received several priesthood blessings, and whether the exact words said it or not, I felt that I would be healed from this. I'm grateful for the priesthood and for the righteous men in my life who hold it.
I have so many thoughts going through my head. Most of them end in a feeling of gratitude. I'm so happy that I get to be with my children and watch them grow, and meet my grandchildren. I'm so happy that I don't have to say goodbye to people I love. That I get to nurture and love my babies every day. That I get to do so many things and see so many places in the years to come. I'm excited to be alive. To live every day and to savor every moment.
